Lost Food and Lost Hair

Today started early with the food lady practically tossing the daily menu on my bed and saying she would be back in 30 minutes to pick it up. Not so much. She never came back! My nurse came, realized that I had no breakfast and came in with a choice of cereals. I chose Corn Pops and Apple Jacks...I was HUNGRY and the cereal was tasty. I looked at my bed and there was hair everywhere and I couldn't seem to get rid of it. So, I looked like this when I woke up:


And I got frustrated with the hair everywhere, so Edith, the lady who comes in and checks my vitals, changes my bed and all that good stuff, shaved my head for me this afternoon. And it feels sooo much better. Now I'll only have very itty-bitty hairs coming out and it won't bother me as bad. Now I'm part of the G.I. Jane club:


Yes, Rob, bald is hawt! hehehe...I feel a lot cleaner and less like a long haired dog that sheds when it blinks. Maybe Mike will bring me back a cowgirl hat from San Antonio to keep my head warm, or entertain everyone :)

GOOD NEWS: The treadmill is fixed and I rocked it tonight! My feet hurt, but the medicine they are giving me made them hurt less, so it was painful, just not as painful as before. Also, I'm still doing really well. The doctors expected me to start feeling really sick 2 days ago and I'm still the little half samoan chuggin' along. I haven't needed nausea medicine since Friday, which I feel is an accomplishment.

Back to the food issue, not only did I not get breakfast, I never got lunch. So at 2 something I went to the food galley to get some V8 Juice and one of the nurses asked if she could help me. I told her I never got lunch, so she ordered me a pepperoni pizza from downstairs (personal sized...not a ginormous one). And then my nurse came in and apologized and said there was a fight outside between the nurses and the dietitians. They told my nurse, ''well, she got her pizza, right? and my nurse was like...at 3 PM...HELLO...what time do you eat lunch? Anyway, so I unknowingly started some drama today. I just wanted some food! The kitchen lady called and made sure I got my food and took my order for dinner. Feeling guilty??? I think the drama has cooled down, though. Which is good because my parents, sister and Doyle & Frannie (my parent's good friends) stopped by not very shortly after. They just finished moving stuff into the house my parent's are renting (which is where I will be when I escape from here), so they all looked tired. It was good to see everyone, though, and now my parents can visit everyday! (or fairly frequently...no need to go overboard :) ) And thus concludes the end of cancer adventures for the day (I think and hope).

feet, sweating, medicine and love

So, I started out Sunday being fussed at for walking around barefoot, I didn't see the big deal and I wasn't cold. Nonetheless, I put on these great slipper socks? or whatever they are called that I got from Mike's sister, Ashley for Christmas. They're AWESOME. There's about a half inch of fluffiness inside and they make my feet feel sooo good :) I'm having some kind of painful nerve ending issue with the bottom of my feet and palm of my hands, so having these to cushion my feet was a blessing. The doctors said that it's probably from the type of chemo I received, so they put me on some kind of medication that's supposed to help heal them and it seems to be working. My feet aren't painfully on fire anymore. Every time I work out, my feet feel worse and worse, but I'd rather work out and suck it up then get sick because I'm not exercising.
Speaking of exercising, last night I went to walk on the treadmill and it had a piece of paper on it that said BROKEN (in yellow marker that I could barely read)...noooooo! So I reluctantly got on the recumbent machine which kicked my butt, but it's worth it. I am determined to get through this with the least side effects possible.

I had a little bit of trouble sleeping last night...I think I was worried about Mike catching his plane to San Antonio. I called him at 4 am to make sure he was good to go :) and he was. I was worrying for nothing. My blood counts came back very low, so I received two blood transfusions and one platelet transfusion today. They had me hooked up like a cyborg woman with all the stuff they were giving me at once, as you can see below. He's my buddy. Wherever I go he's gonna go.
Most of the day kind of passed by with me in a daze. Between the benadryl and nerve ending medicine, I was struggling to stay awake or at least be able to focus. Doing this blog right now is a little challenging for me, but if that's all I can complain about, it's all good. OH, I forgot. I also got mail today, which is sooo exciting! The Benkerts (neighbors and good friends with Mike's family) sent me this little book called Bedside Blessings and it has something inspirational or thoughtful for each day of the year, which is really cool. Plus, it's tiny and cute. I also got a letter from Ashley, Mike's sister, along with a picture of her pet bunny (really really cuddly looking) and a word search...woohooo (how did she know i liked word searches?)!

I'm like a kid in a candy store when it comes to mail. Plus, it's nice to know that people are thinking about me or praying for me, so thank you all for the support. I'm doing really well because I have so much support. Through your thoughts, prayers, emails, messages, phone calls, gifts and cards I have managed to push myself this far. It gives me no reason to give up and every reason to do everything I can to live life fully until I'm gray-headed and playing with grandchildren. I love you all!

progress and my flippin' hair

the stuffed animal meerkat from my parents, so random and so awesome!

Saturday was pretty uneventful for me. I got to spend most of the day with Mike, but he had homework to work on, so we were together...but kinda not. It was still nice to see him, nonetheless. He DID bring me a chicken biscuit for breakfast :) I don't have much of an appetite, though. Eating for me is more of a function than a desire, but at least I'm still eating. I've been having what seemed like random migraines, but I think we just figured out that it's from one of the immuno-suppressant IV drugs they have me on, so I'll get pre-medicated before I receive it from now on. I didn't work out until evening 'cause my legs feel like jello from my counts and energy being low. I had to slow it down just a little bit on the treadmill. I figured it wouldn't be cool and would probably be pretty embarrassing if I passed out or hurt myself because I was pushing too hard. Then I came back and watched Miss America, which was much more modern this year. The speaker dude sucked though. He kept messing up, forgetting who was who...it wasn't pretty.

I got a little nauseous late last night, but I got medicine before I got sick. This morning I had to get platelets again because I only had 5 platelets left in my entire body. I'm still sort of drowsy right now from the benadryl they give me before transfusion. There's really nothing exciting to say at the moment. I'm waiting on Mike to show up and listening to my aunt's playlist on myspace. The doctors have already come through and are really pleased with how well my body seems to be handling everything, so I guess that's good news. My hair is CRAZY right now! Some of it is coming out, but it has grown out to a point where it wants to try to curl, so I look like a hurricane hit me with the hair flipping in various funky directions...oh well, though :) There's no need to impress anybody.


Yeah, I know it's an unbelievably beautiful picture and you just can't take yours eyes off of it...OR it looks like i just woke up 'cause I'm pretty much still in that feeling of waking up. I'll shower at some point :) Oh, and bert bert, the font size is just for you...hahaha! It's called LARGE, which, by the way, is above Normal :)

Oh Happy Day...

My day started at 6 am today. I got a transfusion of platelets, which are the part of the blood that keeps people from bleeding to death...clots your blood for safety, like if you get cut. The doctor's came in and told me that if I continue in the condition I am in right now then I should have a very boring, but good few weeks here. I'll take boring over exciting...exciting just means trouble. I can feel my blood level dropping, especially when I move around 'cause breathing takes a little bit more energy and I feel like I have a lot less energy. After the doctor's left, I put my headphones on and went back to sleep for a little bit, then I decided to quit being a couch potato and go work out. I think the treadmill and recumbent machine here are going to save my sanity. I get fidgety or bored out of my mind and go work it off. I don't want to be the horrible, muscle-less shape I was in the first time I was diagnosed...it's so hard to get back to normal from that physical state.

Anyway, to the exciting stuff. I'm starting to lose hair now and, believe it or not, I actually lose my nose hairs too, so I'm CONSTANTLY scratching at my nose like I have an obsessive compulsive disorder and I look like Rudolph, but it's all good. I've had really good, talkative nurses today and I've personally been in a really good mood. I think, now that everything is finally happening, I'm able to de-stress and really enjoy just being here. I also got 4 cards in the mail today, which is SO exciting for me! I don't know why, but I love mail, even if I know what it is...it's just fun to get it and it puts me in a good mood. Becky stopped by this evening with her husband, Stan. They are such an easy couple to talk to...very genuine and loving and full of life. Becky made me a mini birthday cake, which is just awesome! AND Mike is coming in tonight, very late, but still, he'll be here and my night nurse doesn't care how long he stays (they're usually pretty strict about visitors being gone by 11 pm) so I'm happy about that :) Overall, it's been a pretty good day. Besides having less energy and headaches because my blood counts are low, I'm feeling pretty good. Just keep thinking about me and praying for me and hopefully I'll cruise on through all of this!

Ups, Downs & Puppies

Yeah, the road gets harder
But it’s not much farther
It’s gonna be alright

You know that it ain’t easy
Please believe me
It’s gonna be alright

Please don’t worry now
It will turn around

~ More Time by Needtobreathe

So that is about how I feel. I've had an up and down day today and, overall, very sentimental. I wrote in my journal and started writing all of these memories and moments that have brought me to this point in my life. Then I started crying because it's so beautiful and so frustrating all at once...very bittersweet. I needed to cry anyway. I don't cry very often about my situation. After the doctors checked me out, I got up and rocked out to some tunes while exercising. I woke up with hot flashes and with my knee and hip joints aching really bad, so the exercise helped a little bit. They started me on a white cell booster shot today called Neupogen which can make my joints ache as well. I get one a day until my counts are good. Yay! Anyway, the good thing about crying is that I felt the need to talk to someone, so I called up my parents and my sister and my best friend growing up and had some really good conversations. I was alright by the end of it. My mom was so sweet. She called me back not even 30 minutes later to make sure I was okay still. It's always embarrassing to do the snotty-nosed, crying your eyeballs out calls...oh well :)

I really want a puppy and obviously can't have one right now, but if I could, this one would be it...



He is a pug/cockerspaniel mix and THE cutest dog EVER! I could love him forever and ever and he looks so snuggly :) I read that having a pet companion can extend a person's life by 7 years...I wouldn't mind that at all...hahaha. So, yeah, I actually do sit here and plan things for after I'm outta this place. I'm ready to move on with my life, get engaged, get married, have bambinos...all of that would make me happy and, since I have plenty of time to myself at the moment, the future is what I plan for. None of this really deters me from looking at new places to move to or what kind of new car I want to have in the near future. I think that thinking like this is what keeps me truckin' along through all of this. Every day that passes is one step forward for me.

My 2nd Birthday! Day Zero has finally arrived :)

Today was GO DAY for me. I've been waiting for this moment for a long time now. The actual transplant process was pretty uneventful. It only took about 45 minutes to transfuse me. It had a really weird smell, though, like canned spaghettios, which is fine with me. Better than cooked broccoli, boiled eggs or nursing homes. My parents came down and brought me an awesome Spongebob Squarepants balloon hooked to a Meerkat stuffed animal...very random and funny! I love surprises :) I couldn't hold my breakfast down this morning, but I managed to do fine for the rest of the day. My parents went and got fresh pizza for dinner and it was SCRUMPTIOUS. It was nice having them both here all day with me...I didn't expect that, really. Boredom can kick in really fast in a hospital room, believe it or not, but we chatted and surfed the net together and all that good stuff.

I'm so happy that the process is done and over with, but nervous about possible side effects that could pop up in the next week and a half. I was thinking today about how this whole time I was focused on the units and if they would find enough for me. Then I started pondering on why this beautiful opportunity even exists. One unit came from a male baby in Orange County, California and the other came from a female baby in France. It amazes me that, in such a joyful moment, both parents thought beyond themselves and chose to give the possibility of life to someone else. How beautiful is that? I'm a total stranger who means nothing to them, but they are giving me the opportunity to save my life through an act of love that had nothing to do with me. It is amazing, that in those moments that should be completely theirs, people find a way to think of others. I am blessed that they unknowingly gave me the opportunity to prolong my life. This option was pretty much it for me. If they didn't find cord blood matches, then I was stuck with a half match which most definitely would have more complications. And I don't like complications. So, considering everything, life is good.

Day Minus 1 = Rest Day

Character contributes to beauty. It fortifies a woman as her youth fades. A mode of conduct, a standard of courage, discipline, fortitude, and integrity can do a great deal to make a woman beautiful.
-- Author Unknown

So much for it being rest day. I didn't get much sleep last night and wasn't happy to be woken up this morning, but I sucked it up and got out of bed to get ready for the day. The normal parade of doctors, nurses, cleaning ladies, and food lady came through in the span of 2 hours and I was poked and prodded and questioned as usual. Torture is the term that comes to mind when I think of the daily morning hospital routine for each patient. I'm happy that, after morning, however, things normally slow down a little bit. I get to choose when I take a shower, brush my teeth and all that good stuff, without someone holding my hand or demanding me to do something right then. This allows me to feel like I at least get to keep a little bit of dignity and character. On that note: Antibiotics and I have a love/hate relationship. I love having protection, but I loathe frequent trips to the bathroom (and my bathroom is about the size of a closet under a stairway - shower included).

So the day started out with me being groggy, but going along with the swing of things. I was visited by 2 random women. One who is a 2 time breast cancer survivor who underwent treatment in the '70s (could you imagine?!). She's in love with Mike and has never met him...thinks he has great courage, humanity and a lot of love for me. and she's completely right. The other woman wanted to make sure I was mentally balanced and didn't need any help with controlling my craziness or depression. She deemed that I'm not crazy or depressed, but if I ever land there, she's my lady. I also was visited by a really sweet woman named Becky. She happens to be the best friend of my boyfriend's mother and she lives not very far away. I had a nice inspirational chat with her and am glad to know that someone so caring is near by.

I didn't leave my room much today. I can feel my counts dropping, and, in turn, my energy level slipping. I wasn't at all motivated to exercise today and left it for last so that hopefully all my energy would be used up and I would sleep peacefully all rolled up like a burrito in my blanket. Because I can feel the oncoming days of being more tired and less energetic, I pushed myself the hardest I have while being here and I feel pretty good and very tired. Unfortunately for the nurses, I forgot to put deoderant on today :) oh well. It's the least of their worries. They're just happy that I chose to shower on my own. Now it's time for my good 'ol friend Ambien, happy dreams, smiling about celebrating a new birthday tomorrow and being beautiful because I have character.

Thanks for all of the comments, by the way. I love reading what everyone has to say and it lets me feel connected to the outside world. Oh, and my address here is:

DUMC
9200 Erwin Rd., ABMT
Marie Opetaia-Williamson, Rm# 9204
Durham, NC 27710

Love,
Marie

Mr. Magoo & Ambien too...

My night nurse showed up like Mr. Magoo on crack. He started to talk to me like I was 2 and unable to comprehend everything going on around me. Needless to say, this slightly aggravated me. Well, as usual, around 3 in the morning, he came in to draw labs, check my vital signs and weigh me. For some reason he was all fidgety and couldn't figure out how to place the cap to draw blood from my lumen. Instead of starting all over or getting a new cap he pretended to draw labs, left without doing vital signs and then came back 30 minutes later to 'get one more blood sample'...this meaning he actually did what he was supposed to do the first time he came in and interrupted my beauty sleep. The man took an hour to do what most take 5 minutes to do. Now, after already taking an ambien to help me sleep, I've been wide awake since 3 am. Above depicts exactly how I feel about THAT. On the upside, a new shift begins in 3 hours and I shall be rid of Mr. Magoo for good. (BTW, he just randomly opened my door, said 'oops' and turned and walked away. I think he had the wrong room. Someone help me or him.)

therapy and a tan

While most of the rest of the world was slumbering, walking the dog, going to church or eating breakfast at noon, this Sunday (January 13)I checked into Duke University Medical Center. Weird choice. I know. But necessary. For those who know me, this was the beginning of my cord blood transplant treatment. It is now exactly a week later and, after 5 days of radiation I have a tan and and a killer upchuck reflex. Today was my last day of chemotherapy FOREVER...and for that I am extremely grateful. I celebrated by napping with Mike :)

So, I've been getting some food down, exercising some every day and hitting the 'nurse' button the moment my monitor starts beeping annoyingly. The doctor's think I'm doing great...for a cancer patient going through treatment. I feel alright most of the time and sometimes I don't feel so hot at all. My room is about the size of a cubicle, but, somehow, is still pretty comfy. My life as a patient feels about as dry as the inside of my mouth at the moment. BORING. I'm just waiting to get through all of this to the loveliness of cancer-free life on the other side. The big thing at the moment is waiting for the actual transplant this Wednesday. I'm nervous and excited all rolled up in one! The nurses consider transplant day my new birthday...so I guess now I can celebrate twice a year :)